My Femininity Journey
My femininity journey began to spring within me during the winter of 2018. My soul reached absolute breaking point in that time of my life, for I had spent years pursuing various business ventures and career goals, but it only caused more damage to my soul in the end. Every part of my heart and mind was entirely fixed on chasing money and success so desperately. It was so toxic and so unhealthy that all joy was truly snatched from me. I didn’t know what it meant to truly live a life that didn’t attach happiness and pleasure to achievements and accomplishments. After multiple business failures and experiencing burnout from my job at the time, I felt depleted as though my body soul and spirit was deeply hardened. I never could comprehend what it meant to be soft and relaxed, free and at peace. My thoughts were trapped in a constant spiral of anxiety concerning all matters finances and being applauded by my loved ones. Stress overtook me immensely. Drained and afraid, weakened at the core of my spirit. It felt as though I was walking through life in a constant state of being lost and confused. I wondered where I was truly going. I wondered if there was more to life than career aspirations and the obsession with money. Then finally, I took that leap of faith and quit my job in order to take time to blossom within healing. Since then, my femininity journey has transformed into a beautiful and glorious adventure that I never saw coming!
One of the first steps of my femininity journey was to reflect on my heart’s motives as to why I was so fierce in maintaining that ‘hustle’ mentality all the time. For I realised that becoming addicted to work and constantly ‘doing’ caused me to not embrace the serenity in resting. Working Monday to Sunday as I juggled various pursuits drained me out. But I learned that my heart behind my actions were due to living in survival mode. Unfortunately this is something that many women, and men, have set in their hearts without their knowledge. We’ve grown so used to toiling to the point where we struggle with the idea of being still and welcoming silent rest.
Due to my friends all working while I took a break back in 2019, I was thrust into a place of silence and isolation for much of the time. Initially, I enjoyed it. But as time passed on, I realised how challenging I found it to really sit with myself and reflect on my wounds, my surroundings, my life and all things that concern me. I noticed that you never truly get to see who you truly are and how far you’ve come from, until you sit alone with yourself. This is something so many of us avoid or have not yet had the opportunity to do. Busyness overtakes us. But in my silent rest my eyes have opened to the beauty of the small things, as I soften into my femininity and embrace the idea of receiving without having to toil so hard for it.
Letting go of my obsession with building wealth was a mountain that I had to climb. For this world has a tendency to tell us that the more we earn, the greater our worth is. Materialism is idolised so greatly in western society. And though I don’t see anything wrong with obtaining nice things, I feel as though having an obsession with it, and getting your sense of worth from it, can resemble something so sinister, almost like a sickness. Because in my experience what I can say is that the more my soul dwelt on chasing wealth and possessions, the more I truly lost my sense of self. It reminds me of the scripture: ‘For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?’ – Matthew 16:26
I was so adamant that I would be a career woman, embracing single life and discarding any idea of entertaining the thought of having a husband and children. I was adamant that I could be ‘strong’ and independent and lonely, yet still happy. But I didn’t realise that everyone is different, and that deep down I was different to what I thought I wanted to be. For I faced so much rejection and loneliness in the past, my safety blanket became building a barrier around me that caused me to harden. But the more I thought of it, the more I realised that if I were to die in my old age, I knew I would be miserable to just merely reflect on the number in my bank account or the awards that I’ve won. For deep within the depths of my soul I longed for love. A husband, children and grandchildren of my own. A true legacy. A family. True love. To love and be loved, that’s what my heart so fervently desired.
Through which, I spent the next few years of my life dedicated to working on my healing and blooming within my femininity. I guess the definition for femininity is subjective. But for me, it means carrying a nurturing and gentle spirit that embraces beauty and love. I found it hard to rise within my femininity because I did not have love for myself. I didn’t nurture my heart, nor was I gentle with my soul. How can I extend love with others, if I don’t share love toward myself?
Femininity for me begins with falling in love with yourself. For as you fall in love with yourself, you begin to soften, you begin to radiate love and gentleness as you grow in admiration for the beauty that is within yourself.
My femininity journey isn’t over yet. I’m still blooming and healing by the day. But I hope this post inspired you, because this journey has absolutely transformed my life and I have found so much healing in the process.
Lots of love, Devona ♡
If you delighted reading this post, I think that you would adore Resting In My Femininity and How I Went From Being a Career Woman To An Aspiring Traditional Homemaker ♡
My beautiful books are also available to purchase on amazon worldwide ♡♡♡