A Beautiful Bride
I desire to be a beautiful bride. Not merely on the outside, but also from within. Inner beauty means a lot to me. It’s something so precious and so glorious that does not fade nor wither with time. I want to be a confident bride. A bride that is aware of her worth and value, absolutely confident that she is worthy of the most fervent, true love. But for so long, I have struggled. On my journey of healing I am struggling to see the beauty that is within me. It’s a process, I know. For the wounds of our souls don’t magically disappear overnight. There are just many things that I’ve experienced in my life that have been absolutely painful. My self esteem has been bruised with the harsh words of others. I was thinking the other day that experiencing bullying and childhood neglect has a way of causing you to bully and neglect yourself. It’s something that I want to be set free from. It’s something that I’m working on, day by day. Actually believing that one day, I will walk down the aisle and believe that I’m a beautiful bride. I don’t wish to have doubts that I’m not worthy of the man that I’m marrying. Neither do I want to worry about whether I’m fit enough to be a wife. Because I understand that marriage is about two imperfect people coming together as one, devoted to help, love and support each other on this crazy journey called life. I’m not quite sure why I strive so hard for perfection. I don’t know if that’s because I have noticed that being an overachiever tends to get you love and appraisal from people. But I want to feel welcomed and accepted, even on my days where I don’t perform so good. In fact, I don’t wish to perform any longer. I desire to be myself and to love others, hopefully finding love one day in return. I think to myself that maybe this is the time for me to nurture my soul. To give myself a hug and fall in love who I am, as I aim to discover the beauty within myself. Because for so long I have searched far and wide to find love, to be embraced… only to be alone and disappointed. But I believe that there’s a reason for everything. And I can’t lean on my own understanding. This is the time where I let go and learn to trust. Trusting in my journey and trusting in God. For all things happen for a greater purpose. In the meantime, I will work on my healing, and keep nurturing my heart, and keep believing that one day, I will indeed… be a beautiful bride.
Love, Devona Fayana ♡
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