Preparing For Motherhood
I sometimes think about when my time for motherhood will come. For many years I have dreamed of being a mother and embracing precious children of my own. Though I’m not ignorant to the challenges of motherhood, I can’t help but admire how beautiful the gift must be to be blessed with a child. I don’t think anyone can truly be prepared for motherhood, because I guess that a mother has so much to learn as both her and her baby grow together through life. But for me, when I talk about my journey of preparing for motherhood in this post, I mean it as in emotionally preparing by doing a lot of healing work within my heart. You see, I’ve noticed that many parents tend to extend their pain and trauma onto their children unintentionally. There may be issues or habits that can have an affect on our children without us even realising it or doing it on purpose. I want my children to feel safe, loved and embraced not only when they’re small, but also when they’re grown adults. Motherhood doesn’t end once the child turns eighteen years old. For me, I see it as a life long ministry where God has entrusted my children’s soul into my care during their time on earth. And though my children will grow to be independent adults one day, I’d always want them to know that if they ever need me at all, I’ll be there for them always.
In this time within my life I don’t currently have a husband nor children. Through which, I have a lot of time on my hands to reflect and think about my life, my background, my trauma, pain and issues that not only I want to be healed from, but also recognising how past circumstances have altered my character, my personality and the way I view life. Toxic experiences tend to form toxic patterns in the soul. I don’t want to raise my children and teach them the things of life while looking through the lens of my pain. Breaking generational cycles ends with me. My children deserve to be raised within a healthy, loving and safe environment. Affection is something that I never experienced as a child, and I think many of us have the same experience where we were not embraced as a child, through which, as we got older, we searched for love in the wrong places. It took me a while to realise that the habits and cycles that I was living in was actually rooted in issues that I faced as a child. There were so many things that could have been prevented. There was so many things that would be different today if peace, love and healing was embraced within my childhood. But it wasn’t. And though now as an adult, I am able to carry a heart of forgiveness and grace toward others, my experience has sparked something within me where I’d like to do better for my children in the future.
In my heart I feel as though that the mind of a mother doesn’t begin once the baby is in your arms, but it actually starts now. Considering all things with your children in mind, such as the kind of man that you’ll be marrying. Will he be a spiritually fruitful father and positive example for your children and descendants to come? Thinking about how you will balance your career, your dreams, homemaking and being a wife, as well as tending to the needs of your children. What kind of school will they attend? What location would you and your husband desire to raise your children? What will your schedule look like once you become a mother? These are the kind of things that are pressing on my heart almost every single day. Because I understand that motherhood is sacrifice. No longer will my life be centred on myself. My children will be depending on me and my husband to take care of them and raise them to be fruitful and independent individuals in the future. It’s a lot to think about. And I not only want to be a wonderful mother physically, but also mentally. I want to be able to be healthy within my mind, so that I can aim to be the best mother I can be. I want to be a great mother spiritually, so that I am able to guide my children in the Lord’s way. I want to be healthy emotionally, so that I am able to be healed and whole within myself, being the mother that my children need me to be.
No mother is perfect. And I will never be. But as I’m waiting for that season to come, I will always desire to heal and bloom in order to keep growing and be the best woman I can be. Not just for my children, but also for my husband, my family, my friends and my dreams.
I hope this has inspired you to reflect on these things too. It’s never too early or too late to heal and bloom in the season that you are in! Growth takes time, but the journey is absolutely beautiful as you let go of the old and embrace the new. ♡
Thank you for reading ♡♡♡
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Lots of love, Devona Fayana ♡