Feeling Safe With Your Man


Feeling Safe With Your Man

Many women have been so deeply hurt and mistreated, so terribly to the point where it is hard for them to actually feel safe enough to open up their heart to anyone. There’s a narrative that tells us that finding love and falling in love is easy. But actually, the more I think about it, the more I realise that being so close and intimate with a man requires vulnerability. Vulnerability requires an environment of safety and assurance. But what do we do as women who carry such weary hearts that have been battered so harshly by those we once trusted? Feeling safe with your man is a process, I guess. And though I am currently unmarried at the moment, I sometimes think about the time when I will have to be vulnerable, open and honest with my significant other when I meet him. From the courtship to the marriage, it’s a journey of two souls becoming one, and actually, I want to be so present and so wholeheartedly devoted to my husband to the point where I don’t withhold anything from him. But the thought of it scares me. It scares me because after my past of bullying, abuse and rejection, I’m afraid that sometimes my true self will frighten him away. Not that there’s anything for him to be frightened about, but when someone is so used to walking through life with a mask over their soul in order to please others, it’s a challenging process to actually remove those masks and let your soul remain bare before your husband. Feeling safe with your man is so important. I feel as though if a wife is not safe nor secure with her man then it sets up the marriage for failure. I can’t even imagine the level of intimacy that marriage requires. It must be so intense, yet so beautiful and passionate. Because you’re allowing someone to see the real you. No performances, no barriers, no masks. Just the absolute, authentic you.

How wonderful must it be, to be loved with a fervent love. Not for what you do, but for who you are. Despite your flaws and despite your weaknesses. Feeling safe with your man because he’s made it clear that his devotion is to you, regardless of your journey, your background and the challenges you face. Imagine experiencing a healing love. The kind of love that brings your soul healing. I don’t personally agree that one needs to be ‘healed’ in order to find love. I feel as though the most beautiful love helps one bloom on the journey of healing. Part of marriage is to grow and blossom through life with each other. But many people tend to think that marriage is about two perfect people coming together! I don’t agree! I once read a quote that said marriage is actually about two imperfect people coming together, and loving each other anyway. Feeling safe with your man must be one of the most beautiful feelings to ever experience. Especially if you may come from a background of abuse and trauma like myself. But though it may not be an overnight thing for some people, I believe that whoever God sends into your life will have the ability to help you unlayer those barriers of fear, performance and pain. You’ll be able to feel safe with him. You’ll be able to feel secure in his embrace, without questioning everything and without doubting yourself.

I think many of us tend to doubt whether we are worthy of love. We tend to question ourselves and wonder if a man would truly love us if he could see the real us, behind the layers of our worldly achievements and success, behind our makeup and behind our performance, will he truly love us?

He will.

Because God knows what we need and when we need it. God understands that it’s important for us to feel safe with our man. In order for us to grow and in order for us to truly experience a fruitful marriage, feeling safe with our man is so imperative. I wanted to write this post to strengthen hearts of women who are scared to get hurt again. Please be assured that the husband that God sends into your life will truly admire you and handle your heart with care. God wants you to rest, He wants you to know how deeply loved you are. And trust that when your husband comes, you’ll feel safe enough to truly open your heart again. For you deserve to be wholeheartedly embraced.


Thank you for reading

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Lots of love, Devona Fayana



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