Trusting That Your Husband Will Find You
My dearest single sisters in Christ, how many times have you been told to ‘get out there’ in order to ‘get a husband’? How many times have you been advised to sign online to a dating app or attend local classes and events, despite you having absolutely no interest in attending these things at all? I’ve been thinking to myself recently how exhausting it is for so many us as single women who desire to have a husband and family. We’re constantly faced with the narrative that singleness is our fault and that we aren’t doing ‘enough’ to change that. In this post I want to reflect on these challenges, and remember how we can fix our hearts on the promises of our Heavenly Father, rather than focusing on the negativity and pressures that are lingering around us. Because nothing is ever too hard for the Lord, and trusting that your husband will find you is the first step to experiencing serenity in this season of waiting.
Before Reading: I understand that many lovely women have found their husbands through online dating apps. However, this post is intended for single women who do not feel led by God to search for their husband on dating apps. I believe that God’s way of bringing couples together is different for everyone. And the story of couples that meet on dating apps are just as beautiful as couples who meet in other unexpected ways. When it comes to trusting that your husband will find you, God may lead His sons and daughters in various ways according to His will. Once again, I’d like to clarify that this post is for single women who do not feel led to go on dating apps to find love. ♡
The Problem With The Pressure of ‘Looking For Love’
There are two kinds of advice that we receive as single women. The first is, that ‘we should look for love in order to find love’. The second is, ‘let go of your desire and love will come to you’. I disagree with both.
The issue with looking for love is that it puts so much pressure on you, rather than giving your soul the rest you need to keep your heart fixed upon God and His sovereignty. Placing pressure upon yourself can so easily result in your single season becoming a time of anxiety and restlessness. Because for many women, it could come to a point where you begin to believe that the control to find your husband is in your hands, rather than God’s hands. Then the harder one tends to try, the more desperate they tend to become. And as we all know, desperation can lead to settling.
I believe it is better to wait patiently on the Lord for His timing and His divine guidance, rather than searching and settling out of fear. And I wholeheartedly comprehend that it’s easier said than done. It’s not easy to wait. I’ve been waiting roughly eight years for to find love. But in my experience, when I have looked for love in the past, it only resulted in breaking my heart further. And I realised the more I tried to search for my husband, the more anxious and disappointed I became with God because I just wanted to let go of the pressure and the constant shame of trying so hard to find love. I felt the pulling of the Holy Spirit to let go and find rest, trusting that He will do what He needs to do, because nothing can withhold Him from fulfilling His purpose. And I believe that if the Lord desires one of His children to marry, He is more than able to make a way by either guiding the person to do something, or giving that person His peace that surpasses all understanding, giving them this serene feeling that He will provide and that everything will work out alright.
I read a quote by the famous bible teacher, Derek Prince. He said something along the lines that he knew that God wouldn’t trust him to choose his own wife. Through which, God led his wife into his life in the most unexpected way! Derek Prince says that God is a matchmaker. He even has a sermon and a book about that, which I would highly recommend to check out! But there’s this confident knowing that Derek has, which is that the Lord is more than capable of orchestrating the meeting, courtship and marriage of His sons and daughters. Since it is out of our control, many of us can’t really do anything but pray, and trusting in Him with all of our hearts.
“I know that You can do everything, and that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.” – Job 42:2
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:5-6
The Problem With ‘Letting Go of Your Desires’
Since many people have told me to do this throughout my single season, I have tried it on numerous occasions. But the difficulty in doing this was that I felt my heart becoming contaminated with the poison of deception and bitterness. It’s almost impossible to pretend to not desire something if God Himself planted that desire within your heart. And as time went by, I have learned to see my desire for marriage as a reflection of what God wants for me as I continue to submit my all to Him daily.
“Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” – Psalm 37:4
“ But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” – Matthew 6:33
I can’t tell you how many times I have prayed to the Lord to remove my desire for a husband and children. On numerous occasions, I have told Him that I am willing to give it all up. I have asked Him to place different desires within me, His desires. And as the years have passed by, absolutely nothing has changed with my heart. In fact, my desires have only intensified. I have tried with all of my soul to seek the Lord and put His Word and desires before my own. But in instances like this, my growing desires for a family of my own have led me deeper in prayer. Hannah in 1 Samuel is a perfect example of this. She didn’t necessarily shrug off her desires for a child. But rather, she poured her whole soul and anguish out to the Lord in prayer without hesitation. And I guess as single women who desire marriage, our desires are consistently knocking upon the doors of our hearts, and I feel as though it’s a reminder to pray without ceasing, continually giving it to the Lord in prayer.
“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Our Husbands Will Pursue
Men are pursuers. And recently it’s been placed within my heart to find rest and trust that my husband will find me, as and when God leads him. I think as 21st century women, we’re so used to doing things for ourselves and taking care of ourselves, so that when it comes to desiring a godly husband and realising it’s out of our control, we can find it difficult to navigate through. But I try to remind myself of the scripture, ‘he who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the Lord.’ I’m in a place where I want to trust my husband’s ability to be led by the Holy Spirit, to find me when God feels is the right time. Just like Abraham’s servant in Genesis 24. He prayed to find a wife for Isaac, and God led him to Rebekah. All she was doing was going about her normal day, but the Lord had other plans! It’s such a lovely and encouraging story. We see men in the bible rise in responsibility and pursuit of women they feel led to marry. As women, I believe God wants us to rest in His love and trust that our husbands will find us at the right time. We can rest with open hearts, and receive what He has for us, knowing that as His daughters, He will take care of us. Our desires are never forgotten nor overlooked.
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the LORD.” – Proverbs 18:22
Live Your Life
There’s nothing more beautiful than being yourself, and actually living a life that you delight in living! So when people tell me to go to ‘lessons, courses and events’ just to find someone, it doesn’t feel authentic to me. We shouldn’t have to go to a sports club or a cooking class just to meet a man. We should be doing things because we actually want to do it. Imagine going to a music course just to find a husband, and then if you actually meet a guy there, you’d have to pretend you’re interested in this random music course, when in fact, you’re really not LOL. It’s inauthentic to me, unless you actually genuinely desire to do these things, I wouldn’t recommend doing it. You can meet a man anywhere, but that doesn’t guarantee that he will be the right man for you. Only the Lord knows how and when to guide our husbands into our lives in the most authentic, genuine way.
Live your life! What is it that you love? Is it baking at home? Watching films? Seeing friends? It could be absolutely anything! I don’t want us as women to go through our whole lives looking and searching for our husbands that we forget to live our lives and do what we love. Life is about living, not merely waiting. Do what you want to do! Even if that’s staying at home and relaxing on the weekend, DO IT! Because it’s never impossible for God to orchestrate you and your husband’s meeting at your next grocery store trip. And I know that many people joke and laugh about how impossible that seems, but many of these people who say that have actually gone above and beyond to search for a man, only to settle out of fear or loneliness. God is ABLE to bless you and you don’t have to look for it. You can rest in Him, trusting that your husband will find you.
“For nothing is impossible with God.” – Luke 1:37
Prayer is literally just communicating with our Heavenly Father. And when it comes to trusting in your husband to find you, God doesn’t want you to beg Him for this blessing, He just wants you to come to Him with your heart. Because your future is already set and decided, God knows what He is going to do for you. But prayer is a way for us to draw nearer to our Heavenly Father. He loves you, He cares for you and He cherishes the desires of your heart.
♡ I hope you delighted in reading this post, and that it encouraged you in trusting that your husband will find you! If you adored this, I think that you will love Waiting For Marriage
♡ If you’re interested in reading the Derek Prince book, please check the link to shop God Is a Matchmaker
Lots of love, Devona ♡